My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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