you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
