Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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