I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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