my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
