2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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