We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
