There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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