Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
