I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
