i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
