WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
