super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
