i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
