It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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