Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
