no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Of course I have a pirate flag
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
