Michael Bay diarrhea
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
