Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
