she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
