Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
