I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
