Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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