Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't deserve a penis
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize