I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
