hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize