i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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