Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
