Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
