david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
