Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
As shirtless as possible
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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