Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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