sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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