I accidentally had phone sex last night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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