Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
tell me about the eggs
Randomize