Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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