I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize