They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
