I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
