I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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