gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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