guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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