i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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