And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
