if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize