I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
