3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
