Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
