"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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