Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
