I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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