She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
