So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
