i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
