And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
