i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
