you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
