i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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