yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
