If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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