I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
