glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
