I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
