I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
