Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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