You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
