So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
