You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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