We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
