If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
